She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
