I puked a lego.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
