we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize