You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
