So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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