U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
