Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pants are for mortals
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
