okay pat passed out under dana's car
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Mom said you looked used
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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