Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
