I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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