I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
