Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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