i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
