youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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