why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come share oat with me in your robe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
