I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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