I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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