Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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