I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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