Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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