Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
