No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
