Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
