nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
True strength comes from lack of pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
