What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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