Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
