I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
