My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
