NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
