The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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