I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
