he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
