She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
