Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
