I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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