The maid of honor just puked.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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