My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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