he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
