I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
