Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
