too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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