Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
