OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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