Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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