Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
