Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
