I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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