i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
