I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize