she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I love you.
Bad choice
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