I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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