Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish my penis had a tongue
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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