doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
