Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
