I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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