I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
