Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
