I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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