so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
