Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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