he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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