He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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