Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
