I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
