she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
