Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
