we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
