Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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